To put together information from other posts here, one person mentioned that how we define love is messed up in western society, and another mentioned being tired of being told she was not in a relationship becaue there is no fucking. How new is that? I mean wouldn't someone who's been courting for 20 years in 'yon olden days' be considered in a relationship. Aren't teens who are waiting for the right person (it does happen) actually in relationships? At what age are we 'no longer waiting?'
Why does a society that preaches abstinence to kids, seem to abhor it in adults? Obviously this is complicated. I think part of it teen pressure, and peoples lack of understanding of themselves. As we have revalued abstinence, and become more accepting of promiscuity (which in and of itself is a good thing) we still seem to have this need to attach value to sex. The new value instead of being 'what happens after you get married unless your a slut' is 'what is required for a relationship'. As a Poly Educator, I have had to notice, that more than others. I mean people defend their own marriages by saying htat best friend they see every day is not cheating, because it's not a relationship. But the ONLY difference is the sex. No one can seem to point out to me what else you define a relationship by. Me I would think both people would have to agree they are in an intamite romantic relationship, but i'm not even sure that's accurate. Some people don't express those things so well. and if we are pursuing sex, but not having it, that's considered a relationship too. It's all so confusing to me.